She's Here! Chapter 16

Forgive me Lord for the stories I am about to tell you. I am not what you call a typical motherly mother. I give you fair warning that the stories I tell you about my mothering skills might offend some. But it is who I am... and it all started about two weeks before Mia was born....

The hormones were at their highest. I had pretty much lost my mind. I even decided I was going to call her Athena. “Because she is a warrior and I am going to raise a strong daughter and she is going to be just fine!” (Crying)

See what I mean... I lost my mind.

Mia was due on January 6. However, during my pregnancy at some point I had found out that if I had her before the end of the year I could use her as a write off for the entire year! #winning!

So me and my lost mind decided that I was going to figure out a way to have her early.

You’ve heard of the old wives tales. The ones that teach you how to induce labor. Massage your feet, eat spicy food, exercise, rough sex, pressure points...

Well, I may- or may not have done... one... or all... of these things in one day. And i may... or may not have done them on the 17th of the month since I thought that it would take a few tries...I was wrong. Went in to labor that night!

At the time I had a roommate. She had a guy friend who would come and crash out on our couch every once in a while. On that night he had gone out with some friends and crashed hard. So hard that he did not hear me screaming at him for help for 20 minutes!

So I called my sister who lived a half hour away. She came running into the house and helped get me into her car and to the hospital. All the while, there was Tom  - asleep on the couch. He never even heard us leave even though I was yelling in agony while the contractions were coming.

We got to the hospital and I was hooked up to machines. Give me drugs! Give me drugs! That’s all I kept yelling.

All of a sudden I felt this horrible sharp pain in my side. What's wrong? My side is killing me! The doctor took the sheet off of me and we looked over and saw that Mia had pushed herself way far away from the Canal and was chilling on my side.

She doesn’t want to come out, he said.

Dammit. I guess that’s what I get. So he gave me some drugs to stop the contractions and sent me home. I was a wreck!

Next couple of days I had contractions on and off. I finally called my doctor and told him I wanted to be induced. He told me no. So then I explained very carefully that if he did not induce me, that I would purposely induce myself on Christmas just to ruin his day.

He agreed.

So there I was, on December 22nd,  getting wheeled into the delivery area of the hospital. I had arrived with a giant basket of goodies. Nuts, cookies, baked goods, Candy. The nurses exclaimed “oh is that for us?”

No, I am looking for my anesthesiologist.I made sure to butter him up and explain to him that I wanted drugs. and lots of them!

And drugs I got!

First there were the ones to induce me that night. Then I woke up to contractions at seven in the morning and they gave me some drugs to help with the pain.

During this time I had two girlfriends from the radio station by my bedside, my sister, and Dada. The girls were doing regular Call-ins live on the radio to the DJs on air. Giving updates on how everything was going. I was a great labor patient. I joked around with everyone, we played games, and all in all I was having a good time. Why wouldn’t I be? I was totally drugged up! The only time they pissed me off is when I couldn’t eat anything and they decided to bring in Kentucky fried chicken! Bastards.

Then after a few hours they realized that the baby was stressed out. But they did not know if it was me or her. So they gave me more drugs to put me to sleep. They sent everyone away to the mall across the street and told them that they would call them when I woke up.

I woke up to extreme pain. I asked for my sister and they said that she was across the street and she would be back soon. But I was ready for an epidural so it was now or never. Holy shit That was scary! But in a few seconds I was good to go again.

Now past this part I am forgetting details, because now I am high as a kite. What I do remember is that I was really tired and hooked up to an oxygen mask.

At this point I am going to bring in Dada. If you think I have a foul mouth- you’re gonna love Dada! Now remember... he is pretty much my brother, knows everything about me, and only speaks the whole truth. I am now going to write EXACTLY how the rest of the story goes through Dada’s eyes...

“We might as well have both been on drugs. I was dealing with sleep deprivation taking care of your crazy ass!”

"All I remember is holding your hand and crying like a little bitch!”

“I remember your face vividly when your mom walked in. Holy shit! What the fuck was this lady doing here? We were all thinking it! And she just walked in and pushed me out of the way. But I didn’t care- I didn’t want to be down next to your Cha-Cha! Gross. So I stood next your head and took the best fucking pictures that your Mom Has been taking credit for ever since! You better fuck’n put that picture on this post. Best Fuck’n picture ever!”

Ok... ok! Here it is!

Two and a half pushes and my daughter was here. I just remember looking at her thinking- oh shit. Here we go.

At the same time, Erica and Jen came running in, throwing the curtain open. “Oh my god!!!! Jen screamed! I just saw everything! It’s like a train wreck!!!!” They both screamed bloody murder and ran back out of the room!

I would like to tell you that it was the most magical and beautiful thing I have experienced, but the aforementioned drugs, and all the chaos around me has blurred my memories. And I would not have it any other way!

I remember my dad walking in asking for her immediately. It was so strange to see him after so many years. But he was immediately in love with her. Like the kind of smitten where he gives everyone else the evil eye if they are holding her, because he wants to hold her. It was all a blur.

Here I had a baby, my long-lost parents, Mia’s Father’s Family- who I did not really know, all in the room with hormonal, drugged up me.

Finally, her father walked in and everyone else left the room. He did not say much, frankly I think he was scared out of his mind. But he was pleasant and left. He did not answer the phone the next day when I called him over and over again to check to see how I should fill out the paperwork. So I left it blank. What was he going to do? Was I ever going to see him again? I wasn’t sure… So to this day Mia’s birth certificate is blank in the space for her father. I gave her my name- Mia Heather Murray.

I was a whirlwind of emotion. But thank God I had My sister and Dada to see me through.

Now it was just me and my baby girl ... ready to take on the world.