On Our Own - Chapter 18

Mia’s first Birthday came and went and overall our life was very peaceful. I was going to school full time, working full time at the radio stations, and raising my kid. Right about Her first Birthday Mia was talking and started calling Dada... “Da-da.” We could tell she was starting to believe he was her father, so we thought it best to get our own places. So Mia and I moved into our own apartment and began living a life on our own.

A little after her first Birthday I met someone new. He was extremely different than anyone I had ever dated before. I thought maybe that was part of the change in me.

We took it really slow. In fact, Mia did not meet him for eight months. It was easy to do. She was with her dad’s side of the family every other weekend and every Wednesday night- so these are the days He would come over.

Meanwhile, I was still running clubs at night, and working during the day. Plus, i was going to school at night and on Saturdays- so overall, the schedule was tight, but worked for me.

Today she is a 16 year old who works, goes to school, and is an aspiring photographer.If you know Mia, she is very strict about her schedule. She is busy all the time, and she is always ON TIME. I never have to tell her to do her homework, she doesn’t have a bed time, and I never wake her up in the morning.  I would like to believe that she gets this from her early life.

I explain my way of raising Mia as “keep up.” I taught her very young that everyone has their own role to play in a household.

Every morning I would throw open her door, turn on the lights and yell- WAKE UP! And she would. She would waddle into the bathroom, wash her face, brush her teeth, and then get dressed.

She was taught to help with dinner and wash dishes. She was taught to clean her room, clean her toys, and help with laundry. She was taught every responsibility at a very young age. 

One example of where I MIGHT have taken it too far....

When Mia was about 2 years old she would come into my room Every Sunday morning. Now remember... we were out of the house by 7am every Saturday morning to go to school, then I had the club Saturday night until about 3am. So Sunday sleep-in was sacred! And she was waking me up to watch cartoons!

So I went and bought her one of those cute Disney Princess TV’s. Remember when they used to have TV’s that were decorated as a character? That’s what she had. I set it all up in her room so she would stay in bed.

Nope.

Next Sunday she comes right in at 6am to my bed and turns on her cartoons!

What are you doing? Why are you in here? I bought you your own Purdy Princess TV!

Mamma... I want to Cuddle with you.(Damnit! How can I argue with that!)

Alright, but if your going to wake me up so early you have to learn how to make coffee!

So I took her into the kitchen and taught her how to turn on the coffee maker (which I would Pre-pack the night before). This was BEFORE Keurig people!

See this pot. You don’t touch this or you’re gonna burn your fingers. Got it?

Ouch hot.

Yes ouch hot!

Then i showed her how to tell if she put enough cream and how much sugar. Then i taught her how to walk it to the bedroom without spilling it.

Don’t look at it! Just look straight. Keep walking.. you’ll be fine. 

Next Sunday she comes into my bed.

Mamma. I make the coffee. It’s hot. I only spill a little bit, mamma. Just a tiny bit. This much, mamma. Just a little bit. I don’t look at it.

She watched me take a sip. Damn she did a good job!

Mmm... delicious!

She smiled. And then turned on her cartoons.

To this day she still makes the best cup of coffee!

When she turned 3 years old the rule was that after 2 episodes of her cartoons she had to get up and make us scrambled eggs and toast.This is how she was raised! Everyone plays a part. Everyone is responsible for themselves, and contributing to the group. Whether it was our little home, her other family, or at Her preschool.

When she was three she ordered on her own at restaurants. And she served herself at home.   She was very independent.  She always just went into the kitchen and got what she wanted.  She had her own shelves with her own snacks. She would put her sippy cup on the floor and pour her own juice. And when she spilled it - she picked it up!

And when she acted up- she got spanked. Oh hells yes this kid got spanked! She learned very early that I would not react too much if we were out in public, so one time she tried to act up and just look at me knowing that I wouldn't react too much in public.

So I whispered in her ear.  When we get home, I am gonna beat your butt if you do that again.

That's all it took.  Because she knew I would.

She always knew the consequences of acting up, so she hardly ever did. She always sat in her chair at restaurants, and thought it was strange when she saw someone else acting up. This is one of my favorite pictures of her watching a little kid freak out when he didn’t get the happy meal toy he wanted.

Mamma.  Hims is gonna get a pow-pow when his momma get home.

Yup!

Her little life was very regimented because it had to be. But at the same time, she was spoiled rotten by several Grandmothers, aunts, and older cousins. She was constantly going somewhere. Bumpa (my grandfather) called Her the Little Gypsy because she was always on the go.

This is why when things started going really bad, with my boyfriend, I almost didn’t know it until it went real bad.

For so long I only saw him for one to two days per week. Somewhere along the way he would disappear for days at a time. This started the arguments. Was he cheating on me? I started getting paranoid.

When I would get angry he would be perfect for a month. Then it would start up again. But I was so busy that I didn’t have time to deal with it. So it went on and on.

After a year and a half together he wanted to live together. Mia was used to seeing him and she liked him a lot. And I naively thought this would fix all of our problems. So he moved in with me and Mia. What an Idiotic decision that was.

Almost immediately things got really weird. He would disappear for days at a time. He would come back and be mad at ME because I did not call around looking for him.

One day I got home and their was an 8’x4’ huge piece of multi media art of the Statue of Liberty in my living room. It was clearly an extremely expensive piece of art.  He was nowhere to be found. After a day or so he comes home and tells me not to worry about it- he has a buyer.

What in the hell are you talking about? This clearly came from a museum or something.

Someone owed me money so I took it as payment.

What the fuck was he talking about??? What world am I living in?

Who is my daughter exposed to?

More and more things were getting volatile. We never fought in front of Mia, but when she wasn’t there we were screaming at each other. I knew that it was only a matter of time before it would happen in front of her.  And I refused to let her be exposed to the sickness that was our relationship.

The next weekend I packed some things for me and Mia. I took her over my sisters house for the night. I knew he was going to disappear that weekend as he usually did. So i packed all of his things and put them in the backyard. I had the locks changed and took off.

I picked up Mia and we went to San Diego for "Mommy and Mia" weekend. We went to San Diego Zoo, saw a Disney on Ice, and went to Downtown Disney. All while my phone rang off the hook and my voicemail filled with rage and threats of physical violence.

By day four the messages had turned into “Goodbye, Good Luck” messages, so I knew it was safe to come home.

For a week Dada and his cousin stayed with me and Mia to ensure we were safe. And thankfully, we were.

But after things settled back to normal i started to really question myself. How did I get here? How could I have let this man into my life... around my daughter? Why did I not see the warning signs???

Just then, a friend I had made at the night club swooped in to show me what a good guy looks like. This man would change my life forever....